The NeverEnding Story

Maher, Puchferran, Buonaiuto, Bishara, Levy or Scalice. Who's Falcor in this neverending story?

No, this post is not about the 1984 movie classic with the dragon that looked like a golden retriever, but this is also a story that never seems to reach its end.

I’m talking about the Student Government presidential elections.

On Feb. 24 I reported that current Student Body President Ayden Maher, who’s running for re-election, received 49 percent of the student vote, while presidential candidate Christopher Puchferran amassed 30 percent.

But Student Government rules mandate that a candidate must acquire 50 percent of the votes plus one to be declared winner.

Now, before there’s a run-off election between the candidates there was a deadline (Feb.  25) to place complaints about the elections.

Maher placed seven complaints, which are listed below:

  1. Statute cited: 318.900i for “verbal and physical abuse.” According to the complaint Maher said that Puchferran supporters, including Michael Buonaiuto (Green Mann), harassed other students on campus.
  2. Statute cited: 314.300k for “campaigning with alcohol.” Maher said he found campaign flyers from Allison Gentry and Bobby Peterson at Coyote Jacks Grill, in the Student Union.
  3. Statute cited: 321.400 for “bribing people for votes.” Maher argues that Green Mann is using his dancing skills to garner student votes for Puchferran.
  4. Statute cited: 314.300n for “using the FAU logo in the campaign.” Maher said that Puchferran and running mate Joseph Birkman wore FAU t-shirts in all campaign material.
  5. Statute cited: 318.900b for “failure to turn in campaign expense form.” Maher alleged that Gentry and Peterson never reported how much they spent on their campaign.
  6. Statute cited: 318.900m for “candidate stated untrue notes on flyers.”According to Maher, Puchferran’s flyers said: “Ask not what FAU can do for you. But what Puch can do for FAU,” JFK.
  7. Statute cited: 321.700 for “written material with false quotes.” According to Maher, Puchferran misquoted Ghandi by saying “you must be the change you wish to see in the world or you could just vote Puch.”

On Feb. 28, the Elections Board met to go over the complaints and decide which ones where worth further looking into.

Gentry and Peterson were disqualified for not submitting their campaign expense form, so the other complaint against them was automatically cancelled since they were already out.

Elections Chair Thomas Levy and his team approved to have hearings for only two of the five complaints against Puchferran, Birkman and Buonaiuto (Complaints 1 and 3).

But it seems Maher wasn’t pleased with the outcome of the meeting and decided to take this decision to the Student Court.

So, on March 3, Chief Justice Nicholas Scalice and his team gathered to see whether or not they wanted to look into Maher’s appeal.

This time, the result of the meeting was positive for Maher and the Court approved a hearing after spring break to look into the appeal and come to a decision.

The Court has power over the Elections Board and if they decide the Board has to have hearings for all five contestations against Puchferran and company, Levy will have to do as they say.

If the Elections Board decides to disqualify Puchferran based on any of the complaints, then Maher will be reelected, if not, we’ll most likely have a run-off election.

SG Director Heather Bishara believes we will have a declared winner before the end of the month.

I have my doubts, considering that if the two candidates eventually go head to head in a run-off election there can also be contestations for those results.

Advertisements

37 Responses to “The NeverEnding Story”

  1. Sounds like someone is trying to push the election back to Greek week, like they did last time…sad a bunch of self serving non-academic groups are running a college.

  2. Maher is coming off like an impudent little bitch. Only one of his complaints is anywhere near valid (#5); the rest of them are so lame and ridiculous that it makes Maher look desperate. If there is a run-off I will definitely be voting for anyone but Maher. “The only thing worse than a politician is an amatuer politician.” – Unknown

  3. Bob Dole Says:

    Aww crap I have to vote for that puch thing now? Why does the current guy have to be such a douche

  4. Gayden– while I agree that the SG president is non-academic and self-serving, I don’t think we have to worry too much as to him “running our school.” SG is irrelevant in almost every single decision the school makes and Student Affairs uses us to merely make students think they’re in control. In my 4 years of involvement in student government, it was clear since the beginning that the SG president, Legislative Branch, and the rest of the Executive Branch don’t really have the final say in anything. Every important decision is made by the SG advisor or Dr. Brown/King himself. And, if we do make an important decision on our own, and they don’t agree with it, they simply change it without even telling SG (and the SG students are so dumb and pathetic that they don’t even notice).

    Anyways, no worries about having these non-academic, petty idiots “running our school”– it’s all just a title.

  5. Gayden, its quite funny how close your name is to mine! I know a Hayden but have never met a Gayden.

    None the less, I have no power as to when a run-off election would be. If it were to be pushed back during Greek Week it may actually hurt us since all the Greeks will be occupied with other events..

    D, I assure you I am not desperate merely contesting parts of the election that my supporters felt were violated by the other two campaigns.

    Bob Dole, I’m glad to see that you are still politically involved after loosing the 1996 Presidential election to Bill Clinton, I assure you I’m not trying to be a “douche bag” If you feel that way I welcome you to contact me at anytime. You don’t have to vote for that “Puch thing”

    Rep. While I do agree at times with your sentiments, I assure you that students can make a impact and difference at our university. Always remember that without the students there is no FAU. Students have pushed through changes against the wishes of student affairs. Look no further than the ordeal with the University Press. Let us not forget that Margaret Mead (American cultural anthropologist) said,

    “Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

    Additionally Rep. If anyone is ever looking to serve fellow students for a “title” their heads are in the wrong place. I’ve already served as student body president. Serving for two years does not change the title on my resume. I’m merely dedicated to helping the school that I love.

    Warm regards,

    Ayden Maher

  6. Think the PUCH folks are going to join a frat before the runoff like you did?

  7. Gayden,

    I received my bid to become a founding father of Phi Delt on Feb. 10th, nearly 2 weeks before the election. Also I was just the 13th person to become a founder of our organization. Had I wanted the “Greek vote” I would have joined an already established and larger fraternity. I.e. ATO, DTD, AEPi, etc… I don’t think 13 guys swayed the election last year, after all we won by 10% None the less if Puch folk would like to join a fraternity I encourage them to see what all of the organizations have to offer. Joining Phi Delt has been a very good learning & growing experience.

  8. Learn2interpret Says:

    Complaints #2, 6 and 7 are completely ridiculous. RE: #2. Flyers at Coyote Jacks does not mean alcohol was disbursed. RE: #6 means a candidate cannot claim something they did not do, i.e. created and passed a bill that funded student scholarships. RE: #7 means a candidate cannot print quotes that were never said, i.e. “‘I think Puch would make a great SG President!’ — Dr. Saunders, FAU President.” You should win on your own merits, not by invalidating or disqualifying others so as to leave you the only candidate.

  9. Here’s the breakdown of the contestations as I see it, from the perspective of someone who’s been in SGA before:

    1. This is going to take a lot of credible witnesses to hold up. Personally, I never saw or heard of it happen but did see and hear about people messing with Green Mann trying to get him to break character and talk.

    2. This one is true, but for the wrong reasons. The Gentry/Peterson flyers had an ad for a club on the back of them. I probably have one lying around somewhere actually.

    3. Questionable, depends on if Student Court holds that a dance is some tangible reward with value attached. I can’t see this sticking, but stranger things have happened.

    4. I don’t recall seeing FAU shirts in any Puch material, but I think this is trivial at best.

    5. Having been cited for one of these during my time as a Senator (because I didn’t spend money period) I can attest that it’s only a minor violation, and given that Gentry lost already its irrelevant.

    6. and 7. Complete crap, in my opinion, and this is coming from a Maher supporter. I would hope that nobody was swayed by some crappy rendition of a quote into a political statement.

    More to the point though, I think this highlights two major problems with SGA: frivolous contestations and excessively bureaucratic elections.

    It seems like every election season is followed up by a contestation season where people, usually people who lost, file their complaints in a vain hope that they can accomplish in the courts what they couldn’t in the ballot box. Personally, I feel that contestations ought to carry a burden of proof: show me evidence that the opposition swung enough votes to beat you or deny you outright majority, and then we’ll hear your case. As it stands, the majority of contestation hearings are a colossal waste of SGA time and resources.

    Just as bad though, if not worse, is the format of elections. A runoff in a case of less than 50% of the vote is not in the spirit of American democracy. Ayden Maher got more people to vote for him than any other candidate, and in every state in this great country that counts as a win. It shouldn’t matter if he won with 80% of the vote or 40%. Getting more votes than the other guy = you win, period. Ayden, I know you read this blog regularly, so I hope you see this and take something from it.

    Regards,
    Aaron Preston

  10. Jon Taylor Says:

    I think it is important for every contestation to be heard. Our SG statutes are quite vague and few people within SG even know the proper application of the statutes. This allows for clarification so that these same contestations won’t become problems in future elections.

    Further, if a person doesn’t like the way the contestation works, then they can write an amendment to the constitution that clarifies how the process should work and how the rules should be applied, and attempt to pass it through the SG legislative process.

    I, for one, am in favor of a run-off. The President receives a 30 credit-hour tution waiver and a salary for their efforts, on top of very generous sporting event privileges. We should all want the very best person to win with a 50%+1 majority that removes all doubt as to who the winner is.

    Jon Taylor
    President
    College Republicans

  11. As unfortunate as it may seem, contestations are allowed and all evidence should be at least reviewed before any contestation is thrown out, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. I have felt for a while that the process involving contestations could be improved but ultimately in my view the people who will bash the process would cling to that very process if they were a losing candidate trying to make one last attempt. I will say however that in an election that I lost, I did not file a single contestations, even though I myself did see several fliers still present after the deadlines for advertising. But as was mentioned, such little violations are trivial at best. As for the specific contestations, I’m gonna go ahead and say right now openly that the whole green mann thing is really stupid but probably not enough to kick Puch out, which is the other problem, that often contestations rarely result in disqualification anyway, although the situation with Gentry’s forms could mean there’s change in the wind. What really offended me personally, as a college student in a supposed academic environment is that someone would actually take quotes from famous people and change the quotes to create some manufactured message about the candidate. Honestly, I have not heard any response from the candidate involved in that stuff, so perhaps it was just done in a joking good natured spirit but I find it really pathetic.
    I mean I should of just put up a flier that said “Theres nothing to fear but fear itself, as well as not voting for me” and then still put FDR’s name there. I don’t know who these people think they are, but then comes a good point that has been mentioned, to what extent can that really tip an election result? It would seem that the whole Green Mann thing is more behind the current election results, otherwise I’m confident that it would be Gentry and Maher headed for a runoff, or Maher winning in a landslide to begin with. I’m excited for the contestation hearings, especially since these things always set precedents that help us moving forward. As far as the concerns with runoffs, again I just see it as something where someone would favor a runoff if it benefited them, and then would turn around and bash the whole idea of a runoff if suddenly it did not benefit them. All in all, its just another spring for SG, contestations and crazy campaigning, and I’m just so glad I have not taken any part in this annual madness.

    Boris F. Bastidas

  12. Dear Aaron Preston,

    I really REALLY hope your not a political science student at this university and god help us all if u plan on entering any area of politics someday. While I largely agree with your synopsis of Mr. Mahers contestations, I feel that you fail to grasp the concept and importance of a runoff system vs the less democratic first past the post system (that you are advocating) that is used in the UK when they vote for parliament.

    first of all lets set the record straight; currently 8 states (Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Texas) use a runoff system and about 9 other states have some form of a runoff system (just not in the pure form). within the last 5 years 2 states (our great state of Florida, and Kentucky) have done away with their runoff systems mostly due to financial reasons.

    This is why a runoff system makes sense with respect to democracy;
    You have 4 people running for president one year (candidates A, B, C, and D). there are 100 people voting. and heres the results after election day:
    candidate A: 35 votes
    candidate B: 30 votes
    candidate C: 29 votes
    candidate D: 6 votes

    tell me how you can justify declaring candidate A the winner, when candidate A has only defeated candidate B by 5 votes, 65% of the people who voted did not vote for candidate A? even though candidate A got the most votes hes nowhere near a majority. what if all 65 people who did not vote for candidate A, absolutely hate candidate A and would never vote for them under any circumstances? if you declare candidate A the winner he/she will not be representing the majority.

    under the first past the post system thats used in the UK, candidate A would have been declared the winner after the first round of voting, even though the majority of the people did not vote for A.

    the runoff system is not perfect but the first past the post system is far worse and not anywhere near the spirit of democracy.

    “Democracy is the worst form of government, with exception to all others that have been tried” – Winston Churchill Nov. 1947

  13. sg member Says:

    Hey Stu, take it easy on Aaron- he is in a frat so he’s justifiably an idiot.

  14. Gentlemen,

    Profanity is not allowed in this blog. If you want to use this space as a forum for discussion, that’s perfectly fine with me and I encourage it, but it has to be done with the utmost respect to the other person. Certain words will not be tolerated. Those whose comments have been deleted know what I’m talking about.

  15. so generalizing that all fraternity men are “justifiably idiots” is exhibiting “the utmost respect for the other person”? good to know where your bias stands new guy. I believe even the FCC allows the word you just censored.

  16. sg member Says:

    What’s wrong with thinking someone is intellectually inferior and calling them an idiot? Get a grip, kid. All fraternity boys are idiots– that is my opinion and I will repeat it as many times as necessary. If my opinion is censored that’d be entirely against the kernel of journalism.

  17. Stu,

    I believe the more correct term would be that I deleted your comment rather than censored it. The language you used was inappropriate and you could have said the same thing using different words. You can refer to “profanity” in the AP stylebook if you wish.

    I have no bias whatsoever, you can repost your opinion as long as you don’t use profanity.

    Sergio

  18. Greek with high GPA Says:

    I think this ridiculous, that you are generalizing that greek are idiots. take a look at some facts please:

    • A National Conference report shows a majority of the 600 NIC(National Interfraternity Council) fraternity chapters are above the All-Men’s scholastic average.

    • 76% of our nation’s Senators, 70% of the top executives in the Fortune 500, and 71% of the men listed in Who’s Who in America are Fraternity men.

    • All but three U.S. Presidents in the last century were Fraternity men.

    • Over 85% of the student leaders on some 730 campuses are involved in the Greek community.

    • A U.S. Government study shows that over 70% of all those who join a fraternity/sororitiy graduate, while under 50% of all non-fraternity/sorority persons graduate.

    • Although you may not believe it, many of your favorite stars were Greeks, such as: Johnny Carson, Cindy Crawford, Michael Jordan, George Bush, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Anne Klein, Liz Claiborne, Jimmy Buffett, John Elway, Lou Gehrig, Martin Luther King, Jr., Frank Gifford, Ted Koppel, Neil Armstrong, Amy Grant, Donna Mills, Elvis Presley, Jane Pauley, Faith Daniels, John Goodman, and Candice Bergen. The list goes on and on…

    If you have any questions you can find me in my office during office hours.
    Evan Konecky
    Vice President of Student Government.

  19. hahaha the AP stylebook is going to teach me something about profanity, as a longtime user of profanity i would have to disagree. no sergio thats ok im not a journalism student nor do i ever want to be so ill leave the censorship of words not even censored by or own government to you. ya see I actually plan on doing something useful with my life, not waste it reporting on other people who are actually doing something useful.. ya know just my opinion of what you journos contribute to our society.

    O and just by the way to all you GDI’s out there, If i may add to my good friend Evan’s statistics;
    – 43 of the nations 50 largest corporations are led by fraternity men and sorority women.
    -aprox. 85% of the top executives at fortune 500 companies are, yep you guessed it, greek.
    -40% of all supreme court justices are, yep, greek.

    so SG member let me know when you want to continue this discussion about why we as a greek community are so awesome, Evan has invited us to his office so you should come by you might learn something about being a successful and productive member of society

  20. sg member Says:

    Evan–
    You’re trying to prove that frat boys and “greek people” are intelligent because majority of the population is involved in it?? Newsflash: majority of the population is ignorant and disturbingly idiotic.

    And then you use George Bush as an example of a “star” in greek life??

    Come on, quit embarrassing yourself.. You’re, like, the epitome of frat boy. Pathetic.

  21. nobody said the majority of the population is involved with it. quite the contrary actually, ya see what makes us so elite is that not everyone has what it takes to be greek. and the official statistic is actually less than 3% of the american population is greek. we were simply giving examples of how successful people who have been greek end up being. and I wouldn’t even go as far as saying that being greek guarantees success but it definitely does put you in some good company.

    now please stop embarrassing yourself with your stereotypes and quit commenting on something you clearly know nothing about.

  22. Stu, while I disagree I respect your civility. I’m not going to take the time to address the “sg member” but if you want to debate the merits of Greek intelligence civilly, I’m sure plenty of your colleagues (who are also Greek) would be happy to entertain you.

  23. I can always appreciate a respectful agreement to disagree.

    as for you new guy wheres the updates? its been over a week since you decided to crawl out of your journo hole to censor me for using a word used to graphically describe ones anus. now i know thats not what my A&S fees are paying you for, and i didnt see any new breaking news from you in this weeks UP so where ya at? did u collect a paycheck for doing no work the past week? SG member you should check on this, we wouldnt want to pay someone with the students money for doing nothing now would we? I mean even though we already do this in the house with committee chairs (who only show up to meetings when its convenient for them).. hey sergio now theres a story!

  24. You Greek people should really consider doing what Chuck Forbes did:

    Quit student government and just stick to a less academically challenging environment– Greek Life.

    See, I respect him because at least he knows his place. And he didn’t wait as long as that other Greek Life person did (Hamilton, or something) when he got kicked out of SG because he had the typical low GPA of a frat boy.

    It’s as if the academic requirement keeps filtering Greek people out of SG.

    Who is next?

  25. Evan Konecky Says:

    NON-Greek-Last year before Ayden and I took office; SG had raised the GPA requirement to be in the executive branch of SG from 2.5 to a new 2.7 cumulative and the semester prior taking office and while in office… If you look online the overall Male GPA at FAU is 2.73…The overall Greek GPA is 2.71 not that far off from the all male average. My personal GPA is a 3.4 cumulative and last two semesters as serving the Vice President of SG was a 3.65 summer and 3.2 fall. Nick Scalice the Chief Justice of SG who is a Greek Member has a 4.0 cumulative GPA. Now please if you wish to have a good old debate please I encourage you to come to my office or email myself at Ekonecky@fau.edu. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. If you wish to continue to HIDE behind a computer that is also fine with me. But if you are going to name drop other people in your post’s, I think you should name drop your own name first.

    Thank you,
    Evan Konecky
    Vice President of SG
    Ekonecky@fau.edu
    561-504-8250

  26. ^ +1

  27. You are also an elementary education major…

  28. Also known as the easiest major you can choose at FAU, lol. But that’s besides the point.

    The point is that out of the thousands of Greeks at FAU you were able to name ONE with a 4.0. Which, in my opinion, is pretty impressive considering the level of intelligence among you all.

    Also, did you compare yourself to the average student at FAU? If I were the average student at FAU, it would take me over 6 years to graduate with a Bachelor’s and I definitely would not have gotten accepted into a top 10 graduate school. Yet, your Greeks are still below the level of intelligence of the average student at FAU lol. Are you even allowed to graduate with a 2.71? I pity you.

    Lastly, did you seriously just ask me to debate you?? Judging by last year’s presidential/VP debates, you don’t have the debate capability to debate my secretary. Although I’m willing to waste 30 seconds of my day to respond to you on this blog, I do have better things to do than going up to your cubicle (ops, I mean office), and wasting a significant amount of my time on this futile subject.

    Now, go pay next year’s frat fees or else you won’t have any friends next semester!!

    ~JFK

  29. BTW all those statistics you threw out there while you were banging your Greek drum, how many of them came from FAU??? OOPS

  30. Homeschooler Represent Says:

    I bet if you ask Nick Scalice why he has a 4.0 he would say either a) he’s brilliant, or b) he works hard. His 4.0 probably has more to do with his homeschool edication than his ties to the Greek system. (He would never say a because he’s too humble.)

  31. HaterWithA3.9 Says:

    No, he’d say it’s because he went to PBCC for his AA so he hasn’t taken that many classes at FAU.

    You don’t really have to work hard for a 4.0 and you certainly don’t have to be brilliant. You just don’t have to be stupid and/or in a frat.

  32. “HaterWithA3.9” is exactly right. I did graduate from PBCC (now PBSC) with an AA degree. After this semester, I will have taken 62 credits at PBCC and 58 credits at FAU. While yes, I have maintained a 4.0 GPA at both PBCC and FAU, I do not find it to be anything special. If you really want to get into it, I’ll explain why I think it’s not a big deal. If you really know me however, you know I don’t like to talk about my GPA, because in my opinion we are in school to learn rather than to be assigned a “number.”

    However, there are some principles that I believe are very important when it comes to doing well in school, such as:

    1. Never miss a single class, ever. No excuses. I don’t care if you have the worst professor in the world, be there.
    2. Never arrive late nor leave early. This has more to do with building discipline than anything else. It will come in handy later in life.
    3. Sit in the front. It is shown that by simply by sitting in the front row of class, you will have a statistically higher chance of doing well, because it will improve your ability to focus on what is being said rather than watching the backs of peoples’ heads.
    4. Create some sort of organizational system to keep track of your schedule and also use a to-do list, either digital or not.
    5. Learn a mnemonic memory system, which is simply a memory aid used to improve your ability to recall information. It is a mental filing cabinet. If I had to pick a single book that changed my life, it would be the one that taught me how to use mnemonics to do well in class (check it out at http://amzn.to/h5hKk5).
    6. Put studying above partying. I personally don’t drink alcohol at all, but you don’t need to be so strict. Just put school first. Remember, you can party when you’re 30 years old. What have we as college students really done to “deserve” to party as much as we do? This is a time in our lives where we should be working hard.
    7. Love whatever you’re doing. Even if you’re in a major that you don’t like, find a way to see it in a way that you’ll enjoy. You need this because it will motivate you when you’re studying at 4am.
    8. Use flashcards. It’s an old fashioned system that works well for many, especially with mnemonics. It might not work for you, but you don’t know until you try it.
    9. Have goals in life and break them down to the smallest sub-goals possible. It sounds clichéd, but it works. This is why I think it is so important to declare a major as soon as possible. It is a goal to work towards and it will help you focus, even if you change you mind later in life. At least you’re working towards something concrete rather than just spinning your wheels.
    10. Get involved on campus. I tell this to my friends all the time, but when we are all alumni 50 years from now, we probably won’t remember our economics professor or the tests we took in that class, but we will remember the club we were in, or the Student Government resolutions we sponsored, or the sports team we played on. In addition, these activities are preparing us for the so-called “real world” more than many classes can.

    Ok, I’ll probably write more about this on my personal blog in the future since I just realized how I’ve never really considered this stuff before, but since it was brought up here it was important to mention. At the end of the day, stay true and stay humble! Go Owls!

    Nicholas Scalice
    Chief Justice
    FAU Student Government

  33. HAHA the guy up there who keeps blabbing on about how he is so successful and has a secretary and went to a top 10 graduate program is hilarious. “let me take 30 seconds out of my busy day to respond”

    Do you really expect us to believe that your so old and great and busy but still check “owlwatch” about the FAU SG. HAHAHA! what a joke! I call bullshit first of all regarding your tom 10 graduate program and your secretary, but i mean if it is true, thats just sad that you cant let go of a piece of your college years. move on to state or national politics since you clearly despise university politics and all who participate (one could argue that you are participating by posting in this blog)

    stop hiding behind a fake name and tell us who u are so we can all be assured of your greatness, o exalted one.

    and stop hating greeks just because you dont/didnt have what it takes to be one. life and college is about more than just a high GPA. I feel sorry for you that you missed out on the social aspect of it.

  34. Justice has been served! The student court over turned the disqualification. THERE WAS NO ACT OF BRIBERY AT ALL!

  35. How to get a 4.0 GPA in college…

    The NeverEnding Story « OwlWatch…

  36. Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to
    commenting anywhere, when i read this paragraph i thought i could also
    make comment due to this good article.

  37. Giuseppi Martino Buonaiuto Says:

    “CRAZY JOE REVISITED” by Giuseppi Martino Buonaiuto

    We WOPs respect criminality,
    Particularly when it’s organized,
    Which explains why any of us
    Concerned with the purity of our bloodline
    Have such a difficult time
    Navigating the river of respectability.

    To wit: JOEY GALLO.
    WEB-BIO: (According to Bob Dylan)
    “Born in Red Hook, Brooklyn in the year of who knows when,
    Opened up his eyes to the tune of accordion.”

    “Joey” Lyrics/Send “Joey” Ringtone to your Cell

    Joseph Gallo was a celebrated New York City gangster,
    A made member of the Profaci crime family,
    Later known as the Colombo crime family,
    Also known as “Joe the Blond.”

    That’s right, CRAZY JOE!
    One time toward the end of a 10-year stretch,
    At three different state prisons,
    Including Attica Correctional Facility in Attica, New York,
    Joey was interviewed in his prison cell
    By a famous NY Daily News reporter named Joe McGinnis.
    The first thing the reporter sees?
    One complete wall of the cell is lined with books, a
    Green leather bound wall of Harvard Classics.
    After a few hours mainly listening to Joey
    Wax eloquently about his life,
    A narrative spiced up with elegant summaries,
    Of classic Greek theory, Roman history,
    Nietzsche and other 19th Century German philosophers,
    McGinnis is completely blown away by Inmate Gallo,
    Both Joey’s erudition and the power of his intellect,
    The reporter asks a question right outta
    The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeoisie:
    “Mr. Gallo, I must say,
    The power of your erudition and intellect
    Is simply overwhelming.
    You are a brilliant man.
    You could have been anything,
    Your heart or ambition desired:
    A doctor, a lawyer, an architect . . .
    Yet you became a criminal. Why?”

    Joey Gallo: (turning his head sideways like Peter Falk or Vincent Donofrio, with a look on his face like Go Back to Nebraska, You Fucking Momo!)

    “Understand something, Sonny:
    Those kids who grew up to be,
    Doctors and lawyers and architects . . .

    They couldn’t make it on the street.”

    Gallo later initiated one of the bloodiest mob conflicts,
    Since the 1931 Castellammare War,
    And was murdered as a result of it,
    While quietly enjoying,
    A plate of linguini with clam sauce,
    At a table, normally a serene table
    At Umberto’s Clam House.

    Italian Restaurant Little Italy – Umbertos Clam House (www.umbertosclamhouse.com)
    In Little Italy New York City 132 Mulberry Street, New York City | 212-431-7545.

    Whose current manager –in response to all restaurant critics–
    Has this to say:
    “They keep coming back, don’t they?
    The joint is a holy shrine, for chrissakes!
    I never claimed it was the food or the service.
    Gimme a fucking break, you momo!
    I should ask my paisan, Joe Pesci
    To put your fucking head in a vise.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: